September 27, 2017

Wednesday lunch with Jane

I had an appointment this morning before lunch & didn’t have a chance to pick up a cupcake for Jane today. Luckily she didn’t seem to mind at all – she was just happy to see me. I fed her lunch & the dessert they were serving at her home instead of her usual cupcake & if she minded, she didn’t show it. Jane ate well & was ready to get moving – she must have known it was a gorgeous day outside.

While I was feeding Jane lunch, I noticed her hands were cold, but the rest of her arms felt fine. One of the med techs are over to say hi to Jane while she was eating so I mentioned it to her. She said it’s likely because they have the a/c on & Jane is fairly sedentary. She said they would keep an eye on her though to be safe. When Jane finished eating, I took her hand & we headed outside.

It’s a nice day here in Phoenix – probably mid 80’s at lunch & Jane was very motivated to walk today. We did several laps of her facility & only sat for very short breaks. Jane was happy & walking made her happier – so we walked. At one point during our walk I told Jane I loved her & she grinned from ear to ear. That tells me she is still able to understand me – at least understand love. In our typical fashion of our visits, I talked & Jane listened. A few times she did her best to provide me guidance.

We walked for about 30 minutes – mostly walking – rarely sitting today. But then Jane directed us back to her house. She must have run out of energy because her demeanor changed when we walked inside. I think she was going for a chair to sit in, but she was a couple of feet away from the chair & would have fallen had I not been next to her. Luckily she was holding my hand & moving slow enough I was able to catch her before she sat down – & missed the chair. As I got her steady on her feet, she headed towards her room. She was heading towards her old room (she was recently moved rooms) but luckily for us Emely (one of her caregivers) was coming our direction & was able to re-direct her towards her actual room.

Emely made the assessment Jane was tired & wanted to lay down so she helped Jane to her bed. She sat on the edge of her bed & then when Emely got her to lay down, she was laying on the edge of the bed so I was worried about her. Jane wasn’t crazy about moving to the middle of her bed but I got her moved far enough in I felt comfortable she wasn’t about to fall out of bed. Emely took her shoes off so Jane could rest. I tucked Jane in & leaned over to kiss her goodbye. She gave me a half smile & then closed her eyes. Apparently all the walking made her tired.

This is one of the aspects I truly don’t understand of this disease. Jane can be having a great day & then quickly turn. Is it when the disease is controlling her? Or do her good days just really tire her out? I don’t know the answer. But I don’t ever want to push my agenda on Jane so while it saddens me our visit was cut short, if that is what Jane needs, then that is what she gets. I closed the blinds in Jane’s room, told her I would see her soon & said I love you one more time. This horrible disease has taught me never to take time for granted. If you feel something in your heart, just say it. None of us are promised tomorrow no matter how healthy we may be today.

Dementia sucks