October 30, 2018

I began a new job this week which had me working all day yesterday & today. I stopped by to see Jane on my way home so I could see her before I left for Orlando.

It was around 4 pm when I arrived & I found Jane sitting in the recliner in the great room. She was awake, but clearly in her own world. She didn’t smile when she saw me like usual or even acknowledge me for that matter. It was like she was in a far away place in her mind & I was not able to reach her.

With the help of one of the caregivers, I got Jane to her feet & walked her outside to sit on the front porch so we could have some alone time. Jane walked, but very slowly & it seemed to be challenging for her. Once I got her settled into a chair, I grabbed a chair & sat down next to her. I tried for 30 minutes to connect with Jane – nothing ever changed. She held my hand tightly & seemed to be aware I was there, but the disease was clearly winning today. At one point I asked her if she was still in there. She didn’t respond. I said are you trapped inside your head today? To that she answered yes. I hate to see her this way. Hate to think she is suffering. She babbled the entire time I was there, but other than answering that one question, none of her words made sense.

On a positive note, Jane is no longer leaning forward, nor was she leaning to the side. Whatever was causing her to lean, seems to have resolved itself & allow her to sit regularly – or at least as regularly as Jane is able to sit at this stage of the disease.

While Jane & I were outside, 2 of the residents from her house joined us. I guess if I wasn’t able to connect with my stepmom, at least I was able to connect with them. And even though Jane didn’t connect with me today, I believe on some level it still made a difference for her.