November 8, 2017

Wednesday lunch with Jane. We matched & didn’t even plan it!

Jane is able to eat food still – she just doesn’t know how to feed herself, so someone must sit with her & actually feed her. It’s not typically a problem for lunch because either my dad is there or someone else in the family / friends. But the other meals a caregiver must sit with Jane & feed her. Jane is not the only reside for which this is the case so I don’t believe this is an issue for the caregivers. However, Jane will try to stand up & walk away while you are feeding her sometimes. And apparently this can cause some issues with some other residents. So it was determined Jane would have her own table for meals. It sits under the window & really is quite pleasant. And Jane doesn’t care if she sits with other residents or not.

I was running behind today so Jane was seated at her new table with Emely (one of her caregivers) when I arrived. They were just beginning for Jane to eat so I took Emely’s spot & took over feeding responsibilities. Jane was agitated today – having a hard time sitting still & staying focused. She tried a few times to get up – to which I wouldn’t allow. So we ate quickly & moved right on to her cupcake – no time for a picture. Today was apple strudel & Jane said it was ok. It wasn’t the best day for her so I honestly am not sure if she even knew if she liked or disliked the cupcake. As soon as she finished it, she was up & ready to head outside.

Jane’s agitation continued outside. She held my hand & walked but was very quiet & distant. Each time we would sit down, she wouldn’t stay long before she was up & walking again. It’s ok – we did lots of slow walking today – not much talking. When Jane did try to talk with me, it was all jibber jash. She did mention her mom several times. Not sure if she meant mom or something else that kind of sounds like mom. It was one of those days where you simply enjoy the time – no expectations for communication.

Jane did seem to always know me & a few times she would stop, glance into my eyes & smile. I would attempt to use that opportunity to talk with Jane, but she was never able to hold focus for long today. It’s not her fault – it’s this horrible disease. Later in our walk, Jane’s friend Marianna had come outside of her house & was sitting under the trees. Jane was able to sit with her for a good 5 minutes. Marianna is earlier in the game with this disease so she still has the ability to talk & communicate & is very aware of her surroundings. She talked with Jane & Jane really enjoyed it – even though she didn’t have words back for her friend. Jane relaxed into her chair & did seem to calm the anxiety for a bit so I was grateful for the visit with her friend.

Jane has been living in this same home for almost 2 years now. There are 8 different homes in the community with roughly 75 residents at any time. Some have been there as long as Jane, some don’t last long. And some never leave their home so I have never met them. I have watched this horrible disease not only take Jane slowly away from us, but so many other residents away from their families too. It never seems to behave the same from one person to another. It is a horrible, horrible disease & I wish every day we find a cure. I know we are too late to save Jane, but if I can save another family from walking this journey, I will.

Dementia sucks.