November 29, 2017
Wednesday lunch with Jane
My stepmom was very quiet today – she only made an attempt to talk to me twice & both times its because she had something very important to say. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have much control of her words any longer so I did my best to interpret the meaning of her jabber.
I learned upon my arrival, one of Jane’s housemates had passed away the evening of Thanksgiving. Rodney was one of my favorites so I was very sad to hear this news – as was Jane. Rodney was always super sweet to Jane & me when I would visit. Before his health deteriorated, he used to always stand & grab a chair for me so I could sit next to Jane at the lunch table – a gentleman even in old age. I will miss his sweet smile & kindness. In the 2 years Jane has lived in the facility I have become quite fond of many of the residents. I feel lucky to get to know them – if only a little bit.
Jane was sitting at the kitchen table when I walked in & Emely was just about to feed her. I took Emely’s spot & squeezed Jane’s hand when I said hello. She looked up at me & smiled. I am grateful she knows me. Today was beef stew with a side of cauliflower – seriously – I wish whomever made the menu for the meals would come sit with the residents when they eat. Soup is not easy for them. Luckily today’s was a pretty hearty stew so that eased the process & Jane will eat about anything. She ate well for me & patiently waited for her cupcake. Today was chocolate with pink frosting. Jane seemed to enjoy it but I am only guessing by her eagerness to eat it all. She was unable to tell me today if it was good or bad. When I asked my normal cupcake question she simply stared at me.
It is an overcast day today in Phoenix & the temps are cooling so it was a nice day to be outside. Jane was eager to get outside. However – we had to wait for Emely to help us because Myron was trying to get the code for the door. Clearly he is still good with numbers because the code to get out has been changed many times due to Myron learning it & letting other residents outside. Once Jane & I were outside, she squeezed my hand, looked me deep in the eyes & smiled.
Jane & I had much to discuss today. I have shared before I am an empath & this ability allows me to connect with Jane on a deeper level. I feel her emotions & she has begun to attempt to use emotions to communicate with me. I’ve picked up on this & I am doing my best to receive & understand her messages. I met a woman on Sunday who is an empath with psychic abilities. She helped me understand my abilities better & how I can best communicate with & support my stepmom. I shared this story with Jane & I know she understands because she then spent much of our visit trying to communicate with me. Not with words – as I mentioned before she really did not speak today. More with an emotional understanding. She would grab both of my hands & look deeply into my eyes & just hold that connection. I can’t logically explain it, but she was communicating with me. I would tell her my interpretation or ask more questions. When I clearly understood, she would nod her head yes. I promised Jane to visit again soon & to continue to be open to growing my abilities so I can understand her more clearly. I cannot explain this connection we have nor the way we communicate. I suppose it’s close to an intuitive knowing. But I only have that strong sense of knowing once I get Jane’s message correctly. It is a frustrating process for me as I want to help my stepmom. Yet somehow today I could tell she was not frustrated with the process but patient with me as I learn. It was an interesting visit for sure. I believe we don’t lose our connection with our loved ones simply because they die. I believe they are able to communicate with us from the other side – if both parties are willing. I often ask Jane during our visits to promise to come see me after her death. She always agrees. Today I asked her again & said I know you have so much you want to say to me – to teach me. She nodded her head yes & smiled. I imagine we will have amazing conversations after Jane leaves this world. I wish we could have those conversations in this world – I wish she weren’t sick. But that was not the path for our relationship.
Terminal illness is horrible & painful on many levels, but it’s also a magical teacher if you allow it to be. Through dementia, Jane & I have found forgiveness & genuine love. So instead of being angry that this horrible disease has entered our family’s lives, I choose to be grateful for the lessons & for every day I have with my stepmom. I feel her love surround me & that is a magical blessing.
