November 25, 2017

Out running errands this afternoon & decided to pop in & see Jane. It’s hard having your loved one in a facility because you have to trust they are meeting your expectations for care. Someone in the family visits Jane every single day at lunch so we know & trust the day staff. But I always wonder – what happens in the evenings?

The 2nd shift had not been working long when I arrived. I had never met anyone who was working. I found Jane in her room – just standing there but her door was closed. Had she woken up from her afternoon nap & didn’t know how to get out of her room? She immediately started talking to me, but it was jibber jash & I was unable to make sense of any of it. It smelled in her room so I said let’s go for a walk & blow off the stink. She walked around her house for about 5 minutes before she seemed willing to go outside with me, but once we were outside she was happy & did to want to go inside. We made a lap & chatted. I asked Jane several questions & for most of them she was able to respond. She held my hand tightly while we walked & seemed happy to have me visiting with her.

When we made it to the clubhouse, Jane wanted to go inside, so I got the door for her & we went in. She wanted to sit on the couch & chat. While we were sitting there, a couple walked in with their 2 golden retrievers. They had been visiting with her mom (the dogs’ grandma). They come over every weekend & I have seen them before. Very calm, well mannered dogs. Today Jane was very interested in them, so they came over to say hello. The male dog seemed to sense Jane simply wanted him close & he sat at her feet – never asking her to pet him. I could feel Jane relax in their presence & when they later left, she looked at me & grinned from ear to ear. The visit had made her day. I’ve often thought of bringing Bosco to visit because he was always so good with Jane when she got sick. But some days Jane is afraid of dogs & that would break both mine & Bosco’s heart if we scared her. So this was a nice treat.

Jane & I made a couple more laps before heading into her home. She needed to be changed so I found one of her caregivers when we went inside & stayed with her while they cleaned her up. Sometimes it scares Jane when the caregivers change her – she doesn’t seem to fully understand what they are doing – so I held her hand & talked to her. It goes much faster when Jane isn’t fighting them. When they were done we headed back into the family room & Jane sat down to watch tv. She held onto my hand & again really wanted to talk. I sat with her for a bit until she settled in. I so wish I understood what she wanted to tell me today.

I hate this disease.