May 31, 2017
Wednesday lunch with Jane. I’m slow posting an update today because I picked up my foster pup, Mo, from the vet on my way home & he’s been wanting extra attention.
Jane was happy today. She smiled at me when I arrived & smiled at me several times during our visit. She also grinned from ear to ear when my dad texted us back (we always text him our picture & Jane waits for his response). She seemed calm today & while it was warm outside, she still very much wanted to enjoy one on one time with me so we hung out in the clubhouse for awhile. This horrible disease appears to have taken away my stepmom’s words – even on a good day like today. Sometimes she can get out a yes or yeah, but most of the time she responds with a head nod. I noticed saying no doesn’t seem to come as easily so she usually just doesn’t respond when her answer is no. So I ask the opposite question to see if I receive a yes.
Jane seemed very coherent today & she really wanted to talk with me. She talked a bunch today, but the words that came out were gibberish. However, she didn’t seem frustrated or agitated – I think she just really wanted to talk today. So I did most of our talking. I updated her on my foster, Mo. I told her all about Bosco’s & my adventures to Sedona on Saturday which she seemed to really enjoy. I told her all about my plans for the summer. And we just talked. How I wish we could have back & forth conversations like we used to. I ask Jane all the time if she will come visit me after she leaves this world so we can talk again like we used to. She used to tell me she would try. Today she said yes. I don’t know what happens to our soul after we die, but I do believe it continues on. And if anyone can figure out a way to communicate with me after death, it’s my stubborn stepmom!
I learned today, Jane’s roommate had passed away. I was a bit surprised because she had seemed fairly well. She had fallen & hurt her hip. I guess while she was at the rehab facility she passed away. Makes you realize how precious life is. We just never know when today will be the last time we see a loved one. Jane on the other hand, seems determined to stay with us as long as possible. I asked her if she intends to stay for awhile & she said, “oh yes.” I’m planning a trip in September, but I hate to leave Jane for too long. I asked her if it would be ok if I left for 7 days. At first she said no. But as I told her what I was planning, she changed her mind & said she would be ok without me for a week. Sometimes I feel like I am stuck in limbo. Like my life is on hold because I worry about leaving Jane too long. But then I remember the spirit of my stepmom & how much she really loved life. When she wanted to do something, she just did it. And to properly honor her, I need to live my life too. I will absolutely visit with her as much as possible, but I won’t be afraid to go out & explore the world. She loves hearing my stories when I return & I know she wants me to live my life to the fullest.
