May 24, 2017
Wednesday lunch with Jane:
It seems our happy visits are gone. Jane smiled when I got there today & once while we were walking she looked deep into my eyes & smiled, but other than that, I didn’t receive much response. She was quiet & didn’t make much of an effort to communicate with me. Since she hadn’t requested a specific cupcake, I went with her favorite – lemon. For the first time – ever – she was uncertain about the cupcake. The last 1/3 took persuasion from me – normally she can’t eat her cupcake fast enough. Jane doesn’t snack during the day & she didn’t have a big lunch so I know it wasn’t that she was full.
It was warm here today in Phoenix & felt muggy – like the monsoons are rolling in early. We weren’t able to walk outside as long as we normally enjoy. On days we don’t walk as long outside, we normally sit on the couch in the family room & chat or watch tv. There was a new resident in Jane’s home today & he was sitting on the couch when we sat down. It’s a big couch & there was plenty of room. Jane always sits close to me so we left a wide berth between Jane & the new guy. But he wasn’t happy we sat down & when Jane realized he was there, she looked at me with fear in her eyes. She stood up & we walked away, Jane holding tightly to my hand. We went in the kitchen & Jane would not leave until the new guy left & went outside. It could be simply that he is new & Jane felt uneasy – or it could be that she has reason to be afraid. It is my job to be Jane’s advocate so we immediately spoke with the caregivers & they assured me they would keep a watchful eye. We have been very fortunate with this home & Jane has always received great care, but I never want Jane to feel afraid – so the momma bear in me was out in full force today.
Dementia is a horrible disease. It effects each of its victims differently. Some become violent, while others become quiet & shy. We’ve been very lucky for the past 18 months & the residents in Jane’s home get along well for the most part. Jane is no longer able to speak up for herself so she relies on us to keep her safe. This is a big reason it’s so important for Jane to have a daily visitor. She will find a way to let us know if she feels unsafe or afraid. My sister in law will be there tomorrow so if the new resident is mean to Jane, she will take care of it.
I hate that Jane felt afraid today – even if it has no merit. I hate that this disease is stealing her away from us. I hate this helpless feeling I have knowing the best I can for Jane is to visit with her & show her love. I hate this disease.
