June 5, 2019

Wednesday lunch with Jane:

Jane’s granddaughter, Amber, is in town this week with her family. They went to visit on Monday & Jane had a chance to see her great granddaughter Kimberlee & meet her great grandson Kardin. I wasn’t there (too many people at the same time stresses Jane out) but both my brother & dad said Jane was really happy to see them. She was a bit confused by Amber’s significant other, Vu (that was the first time she met him) but she was taken with her great grandkids. My belief is because Jane knows they are her family. Deep inside – where the disease can’t reach – she feels the love she has for her family.

The happiness of Monday’s visit has allowed Jane to stay more present. She had a good day yesterday & another good day today.

When I arrived, Jane seemed trapped by the disease. Lunch was quiet & my stepmom was distant. This is the norm now so I don’t think anything of it. I just fed her lunch & then got her ready to head outside. But once we settled under the trees outside & I sat face to face with my stepmom, she came alive. It’s like her soul looked into mine & she realized I was there with her. She smiled huge & stayed engaged all of my visit. She wanted to hold my hand & squeeze it. She listened intently as I shared my dreams of qualifying for Boston when I run Berlin this fall. She smiled when I shared how much I want this dream to come true & how hard I am willing to work to make it come true. When I asked her if she believed I would do it, she smiled – the smile that reaches her eyes – and said yeah. My stepmom never lies to me (even when I wish she would) so now I have even more motivation to train hard all summer. I don’t want to let her down. Because no matter where she is, she will be watching me.

The birds were active today & the trees were full. After talks of my big running goals, we sat & listened to them sing their songs. It was peaceful & we both enjoyed it. The love birds were back today. They are such beautiful birds, but also shy. They never seem to get close enough for me to get a good picture. A couple of times I tried walking closer to the trees in hopes of a good pic, but the trees are heavy with leaves, making them dark & the birds blend right in. Perhaps one day I will take my camera & zoom lens & snap a picture which does these beautiful birds justice. For now, you’ll have to take mine & Jane’s word.

We sat outside under the trees for an hour, soaking up the fresh air. We were lucky to have a nice breeze & with the cloud cover, it wasn’t too hot. We both know our outside visits will be coming to an end soon. Triple digit temps are heading to Phoenix & even in the shade it just feels too hot. I know both Jane & I will be sad when this happens because we much prefer to visit under the peace of the trees. The clubhouse is crowded & noisy & doesn’t have the same enjoyable energy of the trees.

I tell you – this disease has absolutely taught me the value of enjoying each moment as it occurs.

Before I left Jane, I told her Amber would be by to see her again tomorrow with the family. I showed her the pics of Kimberlee & I from last night & told her how Kardin had cried every time I held him. I know Jane is looking forward to tomorrow & will do everything in her power to hold the disease at bay a little longer. This is the happiest & most peaceful I have seen my stepmom in many months. I am grateful Amber & Vu were able to make the trip with the kids. I’m not sure they will ever know how much it meant to Jane.