June 28, 2018

Lunch with Jane:

I’ve been in Indiana for the last 8 days so I haven’t been to visit my stepmom since last Tuesday. I had told her I would be gone, but I never know if the disease will allow her to remember that or if she even has any concept of how long it’s been since my last visit. I think the real trick is not being gone so long that she forgets me. Thankfully she knew who I was & was happy to see me.

Jane was sitting at the kitchen table with Emely when I walked in. I took Emely’s place & immediately received a big smile from my stepmom. I fed her lunch & then grabbed the cupcake from my bag, telling her I had a brand new flavor today. Given that it’s Thursday, not Wednesday – my usual day – the cupcake store had 2 different flavors of the day. One was Pineapple Upside Down Cake, which I chose. Jane enjoyed it. It even had pineapple jelly in the middle of the cupcake! After we finished lunch, we headed outside for our walk.

The landscapers come on Thursdays & they are loud. I asked Jane if she wanted to sit outside & she said no. I asked if she wanted to walk to the clubhouse & she said yes. So we slowly walked to the clubhouse today. It took quite some time because Jane walks slow & needs to stop often. It is summertime in Arizona which means it’s hot outside & most of the walk to the clubhouse is in the sun. My dad has begun to be concerned it’s too hot for her to be in the sun this long, & asked if the facility had an extra wheelchair we could use to transport Jane to the clubhouse & back. It’s a tough decision to make because we don’t want Jane to forget how to walk – yet we want to keep her safe. Today she wanted to walk so I allowed her to walk. Though I do believe it took much energy for her to do this.

We made it to the clubhouse & sat on the couch. I took our picture & texted my dad. Jane leaned in close & closed her eyes. I talked to her about my trip until she fell asleep. She took about a 30 minute nap. Luckily she woke up about the time I was going to wake her to walk back to her house. I had been talking with another resident & her sister who had come to visit. She brought her brother cookies, which he really enjoyed. I learned this guy had fallen & broken his hip. He had surgery & went through rehab but was now in a wheelchair. It didn’t seem to bother him – he was happy to visit with his sister. I’ve passed her several times on previous visits as she was coming in when I was leaving, but I never took the time to say anything beyond hello – until today. I learned they lost a brother to dementia & a sister to ovarian cancer. It was just the two of them & now her brother has dementia. She told me she is going to go out of this life kicking & screaming. She’s 79, almost 80 – her words – & she’s feisty! I’m glad I had a chance to hear a bit of her story today.

Jane was alert & knew it was time to walk back, yet she fought me to stand up. She can still be so stubborn when she wants to be! I threatened to call for help when she finally stood up for me. She could stand – she just didn’t want to. We walked slowly back to her house, taking breaks often again. When we reached the house before Jane’s – the house closest to the trees we normally sit under – I saw our dove sitting on the railing of the porch. He was cleaning himself. I saw him from a distance but wasn’t sure it was our bird until we got closer, even though I admit, I have never seen a bird chilling on the railing. As we got closer, I knew it was him. Apparently he was waiting for us. We stopped to talk to him for a few minutes & I finally got a picture! As we walked towards Jane’s house, he hopped along on the railing & then jumped down to the ground. I find it amazing how friendly he is with us. I only see him when I am with Jane, but he is never afraid of us. I am glad we saw him today.

I walked Jane back into her house & got her settled into a chair in front of the tv. I had noticed her arms were dry when we were sitting in the clubhouse, so I took lotion out of my purse & rubbed it on her arms. Emely came to sit next to us for a couple of minutes & I learned a bit more about her. She’s originally from the Philippines but has happily lived here for nearly 13 years. Jane & I told her we are glad she is here – we both appreciate how well she cares for Jane & all the residents in the home.

When I left Jane, she closed her eyes, perhaps ready for another short nap. As much as she enjoys her walks, I do think they take their toll on her. I told her Gary would be by tomorrow to see her, which made her smile. She loves visits from all of us, but my dad is always her favorite visitor. I kissed her goodbye & told her I would see her soon.