July 27, 2018

Lunch with Jane:

I had a super busy day Wednesday & didn’t have a chance to post about my visit. I just realized I never did – sorry about that!

Jane was sleeping in a chair in the great room when I arrived but was easily awoken. I squatted down to be eye level with her & when her eyes connected with mine, she smiled. I asked her if she was hungry, to which she said yes. Yet it took some time & effort to get her up to her feet. My dad has shared with me he notices this too on his visits – it’s harder for her to get up when she’s been sitting for awhile. A progression with the disease. I do worry a day will come where she loses her ability to walk. Not because she won’t be able to walk – but what that loss of ability will do to her spirit. My feisty, independent stepmom is still in there & she still enjoys being able to wander. What happens when she is no longer mobile on her own accord?

We walked to the able with Jane holding on to me tightly. She sat down & I tucked her chair under the table. I always like to scoot her chair tightly under the table so she can’t go anywhere during lunch. She always gives me a look like she is annoyed, until I pull my chair super close to hers so our knees are touching & she can reach my hands. Then she is happy again. My stepmom very much appreciates touch – I believe this is her way of saying I love you. She typically holds one of my hands while I feed her or places a hand on my knee. She ate her lunch quickly because I had mentioned when she sat down I brought her favorite cupcake today. She was quite annoyed I wanted to take a picture to send to my dad before I fed her. I asked Jane if lemon was still her favorite & she nodded yes.

There was another family member visiting one of the other residents today & there seemed to be a lot of activity in the house so I told Jane I was going to grab a wheelchair for her so we could go visit in the clubhouse. My dad had requested a wheelchair to help us get Jane out & about because she walks so slow & it’s hot outside. But neither of us use it with her as often as we should. So even though it was ridiculously hot on Wednesday, I told Jane we were leaving. Jane isn’t 100% sure about the wheelchair & it’s a bit narrow for her to sit down into so I asked Emely for help. Once Jane was sitting, she was fine & we quickly made our way to the clubhouse.

The clubhouse was quiet & at first, Jane was content sitting in her wheelchair with me sitting next to her. We chatted about life & what’s going on & Jane was very engaged. After awhile, she wanted to get up & walk around so I helped her out of the wheelchair. She held my hand & guided me around the clubhouse towards Michelle’s beauty spot. Michelle was hiding back there eating her lunch. Jane made her way to the chair. I told Michelle apparently Jane wanted her hair cut. Luckily Michelle did not mind the intrusion & told Jane she would love to cut her hair. Jane smiled the entire time! I love that Michelle comes to the facility every week for the residents. I know they all enjoy being pampered. After Jane was done with her haircut, she was up walking again & headed back over towards the big chairs & sat down. Michelle was waiting for her next client so she came over to chat with us. Jane reached out for Michelle’s hand & held it. Her way of saying thank you. Many of us take a haircut for granted, but for Jane, she enjoys it & is very appreciative. It’s simply another way we can help her feel special.

Eventually it was time for me to get going. I stayed longer than normal because Jane was so happy & content sitting there in the clubhouse, but I had a very busy day on Wednesday & needed to get back to work. I wheeled Jane back to her house, got her out of the wheelchair & sitting comfortably in her favorite chair. When I kissed her goodbye, she gave me a huge smile & squeezed my hand tightly. It was a good day for Jane.

I never know how much time I have left with my stepmom. I never know if a day will come where my visits don’t bring joy – where she has completely forgotten who I am & her love for me. I hope she always knows me, but every time I visit, I am prepared. We never know how this disease will effect her & what it is currently stealing away from her. Dementia is a horrible thief & while my stepmom fights a really good fight, eventually she will lose the battle – it’s the inevitable truth of the disease.