July 16, 2020

This is one of the last pictures I have with my stepmom. Apparently the last few visits I had with her I didn’t take a selfie because this pic is from February. I haven’t seen her since mid March. I’m really missing her right now.

A close friend of mine at work died very unexpectedly last weekend. Before this covid shit & being forced to stay at home, he was my cube mate & we talked every single day. He’s make me smile when I felt down, vent with me about our crazy customers, give me a pep talk when I needed it, coach & mentor me, swap me desks for a change in energy or just give me a hug when I needed it. I haven’t seen him for a few months, but he was one of my teammates I was most looking forward to seeing again whenever this shit ends & we’re allowed to get back to normal lives. Only now he won’t be there. I’ve had a rough week trying to make sense of his loss.

I wish I could go sit with Jane. Hold her hand & talk to her about Mike. Tell her everything on my heart. She’d listen intently & I know I’d feel better. I’d give her a special message to share with Mike because I believe my stepmom is able to peek through to the spirit world given the stage of her disease. She’d probably find a way to comfort me & let me know he’s ok – because that’s how our connection works. We are intuitively connected. It wasn’t always that way – that’s developed with this horrible disease. Perhaps because she lost her ability to communicate, I’ve felt she lost that judgement that we as humans can’t help but have for others. Instead, she just listened with an open heart & communicates how it is straight forward. I really need that right now.

I sure hope I am able to see my stepmom again soon. To hug her. To sit next to her, holding her hand, talking to her. And I hope Mike is looking out for her while I can’t.