July 11, 2018

Lunch with Jane:

I did spend lunch with my stepmom last week on the 4th of July, but it was a horrible, heartbreaking visit & I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s holiday so I didn’t post. I had intended to post later in the week – but, well – time got away from me. I am happy to report today was a much better visit than last week.

Let me begin with last week. Jane was having a really hard time controlling her body. Walking was incredibly difficult, she fell when trying to sit in the kitchen chair because she couldn’t gauge the distance to the chair (luckily I was behind her & she fell into my arms so she didn’t get hurt). She had tremors in both her arms & legs which she seemed incapable of controlling. And her eyes kept closing even though she was awake & alert. That was the oddest thing – it was like she couldn’t get the muscles in her eyelids to work. She ate, but I could tell something was very wrong with her. I opted to simply sit with her on the couch after lunch since she was struggling so much & getting her there was hard. Emely (the caregiver) said she had noticed when she arrived that day Jane’s eye was very red so she called the med tech to take a look. She told me Jane had been having a difficult day since Emely arrived, but she was not like that the day before. Jane’s tremors continued after lunch so I asked Emely to call someone for help. The med tech came over & her answer was to put Jane to bed. I’ve never met this tech before & I did not like her. I was adamant something was very wrong with Jane. After arguing with this chic, I asked for the nurse. I waited an hour & she never came. It was the holiday & of course none of management was there. Jane fell asleep in her bed & I knew there wasn’t anything we could do but keep her comfortable so I left her with directions for Emely to call if anything changed. The next day my dad found Jane doing better than Wednesday & she continued to get better each day. My guess is she had a seizure or whatever episodes she has & it had really taken a toll.

Today I found Jane doing much better. She was awake & alert & able to walk – albeit slowly. Emely told me it had been a rough morning in the house with one of the other residents but Jane seemed un-phased by it & was happy to see me. The tremors are gone & Jane is back to having control of her body. I told Jane I had a brand new cupcake for her today & she smiled. When I opened the box, it looked like it was melting – which was odd because I had picked it up on my way to visit Jane & it wasn’t hot in my car. It was messy, but Jane didn’t mind. We had a monsoon roll in Monday afternoon & another yesterday so the temps have dropped below triple digits. There is a breeze today & it’s not too bad in the shade. I asked Jane if she felt up to walking to the trees after lunch. I told her it was her decision – we could always stay inside. When I asked, “should we walk to the trees” Jane said yes. It took effort for her to stand after eating but she did it & was ready to walk outside. We slowly made our way while she held onto both of my hands. It’s crazy to me how much this disease has taken away from Jane. I mean she’s only 67.

The chairs were a mess when we got outside (probably due to the storms the last 2 days), so Jane patiently waited while I found her a chair & cleaned off a cushion. It was a bit of a challenge for her to sit in the chair, but we got her there. Once she was settled, I found a chair & cushion for me & sat down next to her. We chatted for awhile & Jane seemed happy – content. She took about a 30 minute nap before we went inside.

While Jane napped, I chatted with another resident – Pat. She’s lived here for quite some time & was out walking her dog, Sparky. Sparky is a stuffed animal, but don’t say that to Pat. While Pat & I were talking, Jane’s & mu dove came over to visit. He walked so close to Pat she could have bent down to pet him had she tried. He walked around us & visited for a few minutes. I told Pat he came to visit every time I was there. “What a wonderful thing!” was her response. Shortly after the dove left, Pat left to take Sparky back inside & Jane & I were alone again. A young bird flew down to sit on the cushion which someone had laid on the wall behind Jane. He was very content sitting there & stayed even when Jane & I left. In fact, I found him sitting here with the smokers when I left Jane about 10 minutes later.

Around 1 pm, I began to get hot so I worried about Jane being hot. I stood up to help Jane up & I saw Robin standing at the door of Jane’s house. She is a very sweet resident who lives with Jane. She waved to me. I told Jane Robin was waiting for her so she stood up with my help & we slowly made our way back to the house. When I opened the door, I discovered Robin had a picture from her room & her clothes wrapped in a blanket. She bolted out the door & told me she was leaving. She can’t get anywhere so the caregivers gave her a few minutes outside. Robin looked like a little kid running away from home. As I settled Jane into her chair in the family room, Emely went outside to bring Robin in. When Robin came in, she was sobbing. I asked her is she would like to sit next to Jane & she said no & kept crying. Once Jane was settled & ready to take a nap, I kissed her goodbye & then went to check on Robin. Bindu, the other caregiver, was trying to comfort Robin but it wasn’t working. I asked Robin if I could give her a hug – if she thought that would help. She said yes & sobbed into my shoulder. My heart broke for her. She kept telling me, “I just want to go home.” In talking with Emely, Robin doesn’t have any family in town & has a friend who visits but he is out of town for the entire month. She said Robin has been pretty sad since his last visit.

On my way out, I stopped to talk to 2 other residents I adore. First, Marianna who had just finished her cigarette & then Rose who was inside the clubhouse waiting for Bingo to begin. I do my best to visit with as many residents as I can. They all enjoy the company. I wish I had more time to spend with each of them. I wonder if I will be able to continue my visits once Jane is gone. Will it be too hard for me to go knowing my stepmom is no longer there? And can I handle watching these residents I’ve grown very fond of deteriorate?

I am grateful Jane has a visitor every single day. She is loved & she knows that. We may not be with her all day, but she knows every single day someone is coming to see her. Every single day she has at least an hour where she is the center of attention from someone who loves her. She is lucky. Not many residents have this same gift. Many don’t have any family near by – or maybe they don’t have family at all. I don’t know the story. All I know is every single day, no matter how hard, someone will visit Jane. It’s the best way we can improve her life – for as long as she is with us.

If you have time, consider volunteering at an assisted living facility near you. All you need to do is talk & listen. Remind these people they are special & their lives matter. I’ve found the residents who live with Jane all have fascinating stories to share – at least the ones who are still able to talk. It doesn’t take much to make a real difference in someone’s life.