January 30, 2019

Lunch with Jane:

When I arrived today, Jane was sitting at the kitchen table in her wheelchair. It is becoming harder to get Jane in & out of her wheelchair so for safety sake, she now eats in her wheelchair. She was leaning over to her right, so I grabbed a stuffed animal to prop her up. These seem to work better than pillows – a bit easier to bold to the shape & size I need. The caregivers were in the kitchen preparing lunch & I am honestly not sure if Jane even noticed I was there. The disease was winning today.

Emely brought Jane her lunch & I fed it to her. She ate well, but never locked eyes with me – not making the connection who was sitting beside her. About half way through her cupcake she finally looked into my eyes, made the connection & smiled. She finished every bite, never saying a word or making a sound. Her eyes were dull, lacking the sparkle she has on good days. It was as if she was not even there. Where does she go on days like this?

After lunch I asked Jane if she would like to sit under the trees. I was holding her hand & looking into her eyes when I asked this. She connected & nodded a small yes. I grabbed a blanket for her just in case she got cold & we headed out. It’s a nice day here in Phoenix with temps in the high 60’s. A beautiful day to sit outside & visit. My stepmom was silent today, but I felt like she really wanted to engage. She tried with all her might, but the disease was winning. The best she could manage was reaching for my hand to hold. I hate watching her suffer.

After our visit, we made a couple of laps around the yard before heading in. I helped Jane out of her wheelchair & into a chair in the great room. Surprisingly she stood easily & walked a few steps to the chair for me. However, maneuvering her into the chair was more of a challenge & I am grateful Bindu was there to help. Jane no longer has perception of where things are in relation to her so if you aren’t careful, she will attempt to sit short of the chair. As soon as I got Jane settled into the chair, she closed her eyes as if she was ready for a nap. I told her I loved her & kissed her goodbye.