January 17, 2018

Wednesday lunch with Jane:

Jane was sitting at the kitchen table when I arrived today. My sister Bobbi has been here visiting every day so I was prepared for Jane to be a bit tired & possibly aloof with me today. But she was so happy to see me – it really made my day. She gave me a huge smile as soon as I sat down next to her & she just kept smiling at me during lunch. She didn’t have much to say, but I could tell she was very happy & content.

Today I brought a new flavor of cupcake which always excites Jane. I believe it was called sweet cookie & appeared to have mini chocolate chips in the cupcake batter. Jane enjoyed it. I promised another new flavor again next week which made her smile. When she finished her cupcake, I asked Jane if she would like to go for a walk. She said yes & grabbed both of my hands for helping getting up from the chair.

Jane only had a long sleeve t-shirt on today & it felt a little cold outside so I told her we should grab a sweater before heading outside. We walked into her room & I grabbed one of the cardigans in her closet. I was having some trouble getting it on her so Jane sat down on the bed, which made it easier. Once we had the sweater on, I grabbed her hands & she held onto me for support in getting up. She must have realized she was tired. We have to walk past the great room from Jane’s room to get outside & she sat down in one of the chairs. I tried for about 10 minutes to get her up but she was determined to simply sit. So that’s what we did today. I sat next to her & we watched Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. Every once in awhile Jane would look at me & we would talk, but mostly she simply wanted to sit, watching tv quietly & holding my hand. Any time she did make eye contact with me, she would smile. And when my dad texted us, his text made her smile. She clearly was alert today – just didn’t want to talk – which is completely fine with me.

I stayed a little longer than usual today because Jane was so happy having me sit beside her. When I told her it was time for me to leave she said oh no & squeezed both of my hands tightly. I promised to visit again soon & told her my dad would be there tomorrow. That made her happy.

I don’t know if I will ever understand this disease. Jane normally loves our walks after lunch & can’t get out of the house fast enough, even when she seems to be lost in her own world. Today she was very alert & happy yet didn’t want to walk. I didn’t notice she was having trouble walking – just no desire to walk. Did she have to give up her energy for a walk to stay so present today? Is there only so much her body can handle at one time?

I’ll focus today on her happiness. I love when she smiles & smiles often. I love to feel her enjoy instead of the deep sorrow I normally feel emitting from her. I’m not sure how to explain it other than to say today she seemed to be happy with her way of winning against the disease.