January 10, 2018

Wednesday lunch with Jane:

I arrived home from Orlando very late last night but I was eager to see my stepmom today. I was up early so I could pick up a rental car & make it to lunch on time (my car is still in the shop from the accident before Christmas). I found Jane sitting in a chair in the great room when I arrived. She seemed to be lost in her own world. It took me a few minutes to connect with her.

Lunch was ready so I walked Jane over to her table. The chairs were mixed & her usual chair was in the spot where I typically sit. Apparently Jane is partial to her chair because she tried to sit in my spot. I switched the chairs back to their proper positions & with the help of Emely was able to get Jane settled at the table. She ate her lunch quickly today – apparently in a hurry to enjoy her cupcake from Disney World. My dad had reminded Jane on Monday I was bringing her a cupcake from Florida & he said that made her happy.

Yesterday before I left the Magic Kingdom, I stopped to purchase a Minnie Mouse cupcake for Jane. They did have a container for it, but unfortunately it was not the best at holding the cupcake upright. By the time I made it to the airport in Orlando, it had tipped over & all the frosting was on the side of the container. I apologized to Jane, but she didn’t seem to mind. She simply looked at me & smiled. While it may not have looked as pretty as when I purchased it yesterday, Jane did eat it all – including the frosting – and loved it. I asked her if it tasted magical. She smiled & said yes – like that was exactly the word she wanted to tell me.

It had been raining most of the morning here & it was cold outside. I got Jane’s jacket from the closet & bundled her up before we headed outside. She was walking slowly & didn’t mind at all when I suggested we simply go sit in the club house. It gave us a chance to talk & for me to share my experience of running Dopey over the weekend. The Disney photographers are on the race course in many spots & I have the Magic Maker which includes all of those photos (plus all the photos I stopped for at the parks). It allowed me to share my trip with Jane through photos. We looked at every pic from each of the 4 races. Jane seemed to especially appreciate the pics of me crossing the finish line. She may no longer understand what it means to run a marathon, but I know she was proud of me for completing it. She enjoyed the pics of me with the characters & made me go back a couple of times to the pic of me standing in front of the ball at Epcot during the half marathon. On Monday, I had the Disney photographer take a pic of me with all 6 medals from the race in front of the castle. She also took a few close up pics of the medals. Jane said Wow when she saw all the bling.

I was very tired today & Jane seemed content to simply sit, holding my hand. Today I rested my head on her shoulder & closed my eyes for a few minutes. Jane seemed to really appreciate this as she did not want to get up. When it was time for me to walk her back, she refused. It took me several minutes & several attempts to get her up on her feet. I wish I would have had another hour to simply sit with her on the couch, but I had a very long list of tasks to complete today. Once I had Jane on her feet, she did walk for me – just slowly. We made our way back to her house & I took her coat from her. While I hung her coat up in her closet, she made her way to the couch in the great room. I sat next to her for a few minutes before I had to leave. I could tell she did not want me to leave. I told her my sister Bobbi will be here very soon & that made Jane happy. I know she misses her daughter & always looks forward to her visits.

Jane was very quiet today, but I know she is still in there – somewhere. She doesn’t have words & its becoming harder for her to express emotions, but I know she is still there. I hate what this disease does. I hate that I cannot have a conversation with my stepmom. Hate that she can’t ask me questions about my race & tell me she is proud of me for the accomplishment. But I am incredibly grateful for all the Disney race photographers on the course who did an awesome job documenting my journey & allowing me to share that with Jane today during my visit.

I hate this disease.