February 7, 2018

Wednesday lunch with Jane:

Jane was quiet when I first arrived today but did smile & reach for my hand. Lunch was being served & it was an odd concoction so I asked Emely (one of Jane’s favorite caregivers) “what is this?” She laughed as I said I swear the cooks should have to eat this stuff! It was some odd sort of beef stew (think beef stew with whatever vegetables you can find) & cauliflower as a side. Cauliflower? Perhaps I should set my dislike of cauliflower aside because I told Jane she did not have to eat it, but when she tried it, she liked it & ate about half of it. She also had been given 2 garlic breadsticks which she gobbled down. I often wonder what Jane thinks of food. Does she recognize the flavor? She has to, right, because she clearly tells me how she enjoys her cupcakes & which flavors are her favorite.

When Jane finished lunch, I told her I had a brand new cupcake today – chocolate covered strawberry! I lifted the strawberry off the cupcake & as I held it up for her to eat, I said bite down, to which she did. I didn’t want her to eat the top of the strawberry & she did seem to understand this. When I set the stem to the side, I could tell I was not moving fast enough with the cupcake for Jane as she sat there staring at me with her mouth open. I know she was saying, “hello – I’m ready!” The chocolate cupcake was very moist & I made a mess feeding it to Jane – not that she cared. She very much enjoyed every bite. I grabbed her water for her to wash it down but I notice it is getting harder & harder for Jane to swallow liquids. Does she just not understand what she is supposed to do? She still eats her food fine, but swallowing water is more challenging. This has been the case the last few weeks. If I get her a straw, would she understand to suck?

When Jane was finished, I told her I needed to go wash my hands real quick before heading outside because they had cupcake on them. Jane sat patiently at the kitchen table waiting until I came back with clean hands to help her up. We headed outside for a walk while Myron did his best to peer over my shoulder to find the code to the door. I’m wise to his ways so I positioned myself in a way he could not see the keypad. He rarely wants to go outside anymore so I’m not sure why he wants the access code – other than to simply know it. It’s another beautiful day here in Phoenix & I know the sunshine & fresh air brings joy to Jane. She is walking slower now – almost like it’s harder to get her muscles to cooperate. But she still moves – which is a huge positive. We sat under the trees for awhile to chat & text my dad. There is a cat who lives here at Jane’s facility & today she was sitting on the chair next to Jane. Normally she leaves when we arrive, but today she seemed very content to sit with us & since she doesn’t talk, she didn’t bother Jane. That was not the case when another resident came to sit with us. Jane told him to “go away” & was visibly upset by his intrusion on our visit. He apologized & left but Jane didn’t want to risk anyone else interrupting so she was up & ready to move again. This time we walked to the clubhouse & sat together on the couch. Even though there is much commotion this time of day with the staff bringing back all the food trays, Jane does not mind – as long as they simply say hello & keep walking. My stepmom always wanted to be the center of attention – that is something this disease has not taken from her. And since I am there to visit with her & I know we have limited time together, I appreciate her selfishness of our visits.

A few times Jane tried to talk to me. I know she had something important on her mind. But unfortunately I was unable to understand. So she settled for holding my hand & resting her head against my shoulder. She wasn’t sleeping – just enjoying the closeness – as was I. As much as I hate this horrible disease, dementia does teach you about the importance of presence & enjoying every moment as it comes. While I may know my stepmom has a terminal illness & I will one day lose her, the reality is that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.

When it was time for me to leave, I walked Jane back to her house. She wanted to sit in one of the chairs in the great room. I kissed her goodbye, told her I loved her & told her I would see her next week. I remembered next week is Valentine’s Day so I asked if she would like a special valentine’s cupcake. You know her answer. I know her answer. Guess I better place her order at the cupcake store!