February 12, 2018

Lunch with Jane:

My dad had a doctors appointment today so I get an extra lunch date with my stepmom this week. Can’t think of a better way to brighten a dreary Monday. I already had plans to meet my friend Courtney this morning for coffee & to catch up so I didn’t have a chance to stop by the cupcake store. Instead, I grabbed a lemon poppy seed muffin from the coffee shop – something new for Jane to enjoy.

Jane was sitting at the kitchen table when I arrived, about to eat. I’m not sure my dad had told her it would be me visiting today, but she was happy to see me none the less. I joked & said sorry Jane – you’re stuck with me today! She giggled slightly & reached for my hand. I know my dad is her favorite visitor, but I do believe she enjoys her visits with me too – even if I do bribe her with cupcakes.

I wasn’t sure what Jane would think of the muffin due to the poppy seeds. She used to really enjoy lemon poppy seed muffins before she became ill, & as you know, lemon is her favorite cupcake flavor. But sometimes she isn’t sure what to do with seeds. Today she didn’t seem to mind & agreed this was a good alternative since I had not been to the cupcake store. However – that does not mean Jane will accept the switch long term – she is a cupcake girl all the way!

Patty, the head nurse, stopped by while Jane was having lunch. She wanted to check Jane’s stitches. She told me she hopes to get them out today. I took the opportunity to mention Jane’s struggle with drinking water my last few visits. Of course, today Jane was eager to drink her water & had no problems. But Patty assured me they will keep an eye on this & can thicken her drink if needed so it’s easier for Jane. I have always appreciated how responsive the staff is any time I have questions or concerns.

After lunch, Jane & I went to her room to grab a sweater for her. She was very helpful putting it on today. That is not always the case. Not that she is difficult to be difficult – I just think some days the disease does not allow her to understand how to move her arms in order to put on a cardigan. Jane grabbed my hand tightly & we headed outside. It’s gloomy here today & the temps are dropping. It was cold outside. Jane was warm enough, but I was not. My weather app said it would be 71 today – it was much colder so I was not dressed appropriately. We made our way to the clubhouse & sat down.

I shared with Jane how great my runs have felt this last week & how excited I am for New York next month. I asked her if she believed I could finish under 2 hours. Jane smiled a big smile – the kind that lights up her eyes – and confidently said YES! I love that she believes in me & is able to express this to me. We take so much for granted – until it’s not there anymore. If you were fortunate enough to have parents who believed & encouraged you to follow your dreams, as I was, you can easily underestimate the value this played in building the woman you would become – until the words are no longer there. I hate this horrible disease. But it has absolutely taught me not to take my parents for granted. To realize they will not always be around & to always tell them thanks. I know I am much more aware of my words with Jane, but I do try to be a better daughter for my dad & my mom as well.

After I brought Jane up to speed with my life the last few days, we sat quietly on the couch. She leaned her head on my shoulder & held my hand – tightly. We sat in silence like this for probably 30 minutes. Our only disruption was all the people coming & going through the door (it was a busy day for some reason). A friend of mine lost her mom yesterday. Too young, too quickly & to a terrible disease. It hit too close to home for me. My heart aches for my friend, for her family & for her mom. It’s a different disease, but still similar in so many ways. I was very aware of the blessing of today’s visit with my stepmom. I think I held her a little tighter today, sat a little closer. And I know she held me a little tighter today too.