February 1, 2017

Lunch with Jane! Matt & Marianne joined me again today – I think Jane liked the attention. For the most part, she was very quiet & solemn but every once in awhile she would look at one of us & smile. It’s a beautiful day in Phoenix & Jane was enjoying the sunshine. We made a couple of laps today, resting on the swing in between. Jane walks very slow now & wants to hold on to someone at all times. She gripped my hand today in a way that said don’t let go. The only way I could get her to let go of my hand was if she held Marianne’s. And even then, she wanted me close by.

This disease is so cruel & strange. In one instance, Jane is very present with us & responds to Matt’s goofy antics. And then just as quick, it seems she goes somewhere far away. I know she recognized each of us & remembers the love she feels for us. But at times, it felt as if she was slipping away from us. I don’t really know how to explain – but if you have experienced this horrible disease you will understand. I feel Jane is fighting hard to hold on & when she is fully present with us, she is winning. But I fear we have reached the point where the disease is winning the battle more than my strong & stubborn stepmom. I truly enjoy every moment I have with Jane, but at the same time, watching her fade away from us tears my heart apart. Tony Robbins says, “life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.” I know there is a lesson in this experience but man did I wish it wasn’t such a cruel experience. Make sure you tell those you love every single day how much they mean to you. Savor every moment & don’t take the small things for granted.