December 28, 2018
My Dad texted me to say he was sick & did not go see Jane today for fear of giving her his cold. I was out visiting my bestie from grad school who was in town with her family so I offered to stop by to check on my stepmom after my visit. My dad always makes sure someone visits Jane every day. It is very important to our family for Jane to always remember she is loved & missed.
It was after lunch when I arrived today & I found Jane chilling in a chair in the great room. I bent down to be eye level with her & say hello. She looked me in the eyes & smiled. She reached for me & squeezed my hands. She was happy to see me. It’s cold outside – really cold for Arizona – so I asked Jane if she would like to head to the clubhouse to visit. I warned her they were playing bingo so it could be loud. She said ok please go. I went to search for her wheelchair.
It’s Friday so it’s a different crew of caregivers but one of the gals works in a different house during the week so I recognized her. I have also been in a couple of times on the weekend so she knows I’m Jane’s daughter. Anytime I show up, she asks where my dad is – they have formed a connection. The other gal told me today was her first day so she wasn’t that familiar with the routine. She was nice – I told her no problem – I would help. When I found Jane’s wheelchair, the legs were off so it took me a few minutes to figure out how to reconnect them. Luckily my stepmom has learned great patience through this horrible disease so she calmly waited on me. Then the caregivers decided to change Jane before we headed out so that delayed our escape a bit more too. Again, Jane was very patient.
By the time we made it to the clubhouse, all the residents who wanted to play Bingo were gathered & the game was about to begin. It was a bit louder than usual, but Jane didn’t mind. She was happy to spend time with me & have a change of scenery. We texted my dad & chatted a bit. Jane still seemed a bit tired but more alert than she has been my last 2 visits. She smiled at me often & wanted to hold my hand. She talked to me & even hummed a song for a bit. I’m glad I was able to stop by & spend some time with her.
When it was time for me to go, I wheeled my stepmom back to her house & helped her get settled into the chair again. She is able to stand, but not without help. She is still able to walk, but again, not without help. She quickly tires when walking & my biggest concern is she will fall. I wrapped a blanket around Jane & helped her get comfortable in the chair. Once she was settled, I kissed her goodbye & told her I would see her again soon. She said ok, squeezed my hands & smiled. Her way of showing me she loves me too.
We get so accustomed to listening for words to tell us how others feel about us. We forget to look at how people treat us. Just because someone says they love you doesn’t necessarily mean they do – just as not saying the words does not guarantee the feelings aren’t there. Talk is cheap – actions are genuine. Dementia has taught me to lead with love & always trust the way someone makes you feel. Jane has not been able to tell me “I love you” with words for quite some time now, but she always shows me she loves me with some action. Listen with your heart. I promise – it won’t lie to you.
