December 27, 2017

Wednesday lunch with Jane

Today was a little better than yesterday but not by much. I would still classify it as a rough day for Jane.

When I arrived, I found Jane sleeping in a chair in the great room. It took me a few minutes to wake her & I actually needed the assistance of one of the caregivers to get her to stand up. Luckily, once she was standing she was able to walk holding on to just my hand. Neither of her regular caregivers were there today – not sure why. I was too preoccupied with caring for Jane to ask why the changes today.

Jane seemed to be hungry & ate very well for me today. She even drank her juice without any challenges. I opted for her favorite cupcake today, which is lemon. I hoped it would bring her a smile, which it did. The entire time Jane ate today, she wanted to hold my hand, which only provided one hand for me to feed her. I don’t have human children (only furry children) so I never mastered the 1 handed feeding but luckily I fared pretty well today. When Jane was finished with her lunch she looked deep into my eyes & smiled. Now she was alert. I said “hey – there you are Jane! Do you feel better now that you have food in your tummy?” She smiled & said yes. Unfortunately the alertness would not last long.

I helped Jane up after lunch so we could go for our walk. Luckily one of the caregivers noticed Jane was wet so we made a pit stop in her room first. I held Jane’s hand while the caregiver changed her & I took this opportunity to change her shoes. For some reason they always want to put her in the same pair of shoes. After Jane was in clean clothes, we headed out for our walk. It’s a beautiful day here in Phoenix. We took the long way to the clubhouse, but I could tell Jane was losing steam. We opted to go inside the clubhouse & sit on the couch again. We only received one response from my dad before Jane was asleep again. She seemed content to lean against my shoulder & sleep so again that’s how we spent today’s visit. I’m not sure if something is going on that is causing her not to have restful sleep at night or if the disease is simply progressing.

I allowed Jane to sleep for about 45 minutes & then woke her to walk back to her house. We took the long way, but again, she was tired. I asked her if she would like to lie down & she said yes. I walked her into her room & tucked her into bed. She looked up at me with a blank stare. It broke my heart. It’s like she wasn’t even there. I told her I felt like she was slipping away. I leaned over to kiss her goodbye & she closed her eyes. I told her I loved her, like I always do. And then I said, “take care of you. When you are ready to let go, just let go. It’s ok.” She fights so hard & I know she is tired of fighting.

One of the fellow residents’ daughter was visiting today & she had a young child with her – maybe around the age of 3. She was the cutest little girl & being so well behaved. I am guessing this is the resident’s grand daughter, but like Jane, the disease has taken her ability to understand that. I hate the cruelty this disease inflicts upon it’s victims & their loved ones.