December 26, 2018
Yesterday the entire family went to visit Jane for Christmas. We also face timed with my sister Bobbi & my niece Amber so the entire family could wish Jane a merry Christmas.
As it typical on holidays, the facility was full of visitors making it loud in the clubhouse. A few of the staff had also dressed up like Santa & an elf & visited with everyone & Jane had a shower that morning so it was an eventful day for her. Eventful days seem to overstimulate her & wear her out. The downside is she was not very present with us. She knew we were there, she just wasn’t very engaged with us.
My sister Bobbi had sent her mom See’s Chocolate from Salt Lake which Jane loved. She kept her hand on her box of chocolates the entire visit – as if to say, “these are mine – keep your hands off them!” My stepmom does love her sweets!
My dad fed Jane her lunch by herself so she wouldn’t feel overwhelmed or distracted during lunch & then we met them in the clubhouse after. I had taken a Tuxedo Chocolate Cake to Matt & Marianne’s for dinner the night before so I brought a big piece for Jane (instead of a cupcake). Matt teased her that the entire cake cost the same as 1 of her cupcakes. Jane has no concept of money – she hasn’t for many years – so I don’t think she understood what he said to her but she didn’t care. She simply likes the attention & enjoys being included.
While Jane was distant yesterday, I still know with certainty our visit was appreciated. My stepmom simply wants to be included in our lives. So many people stop visiting their loved ones when they reach the stage of needing to be in a memory care facility, yet a visit is exactly what their loved one years for most. Just because they are no longer able to engage the way they used to does not mean they aren’t aware. I hear too many people say those with dementia don’t know – they aren’t aware. I have to say – from what I have witnessed with Jane & all the residents who live in her facility – this is not true. They are very much aware. They may forget certain aspects like your name or how to tell you they love you, but they never lose that need to feel connected. Remember that if you ever have a loved one inflicted with dementia. No matter how hard it may be for you to see them this way, visit them often. They need your support – they need to feel your love. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.
