December 12, 2021

This memory popped up from 3 years ago.

I still visit Jane every week, I just stopped posting about it.

Thanks to covid, things are a bit different. I don’t get to engage with the other residents like I used to. I have to wear a mask my entire visit, which I think makes it harder for Jane to connect with who I am.

I am able to see her every week. I am able to hold her hand & look into her eyes & tell her I love her. She still holds onto my hand our entire visit, though she doesn’t hold on as tightly as before.

I won’t lie – the visits are hard. Jane does not look well. I ask her every week why she still holds on to live this life. Yesterday she was drooling like a big huge mastiff or Saint Bernard drools. She did seem to be present in her body – often times she feels like she is not even there. She is not the strong, determined woman I always knew. I hate this disease. I hate it’s cruelty. And I hate to see my stepmom living this way. I hope her suffering ends soon. She does not deserve this. No one deserves this.

*see post from December 12, 2018 for the memory to which I am referring*