August 2, 2017

Wednesday lunch with Jane

My dad called me this morning to tell me Jane had another seizure early this morning. Her care givers were in the middle of changing her & witnessed it. It’s not the first time & I have wondered if she has also had some “issues” when she is alone sleeping in her bed.

I never know what to expect of Jane after she has an incident. It often wipes her out, but sometimes it also makes her more alert. It’s like it rattles things loose in her brain temporarily & the disease doesn’t hold her back.

Today I found Jane sitting in a chair in the family room. When I got close to her, I said her name & she looked up at me & smiled – she clearly knew who I was. Yet it took some persuasion to get her up. Finally, I told her I had a new cupcake flavor for her to try today. She was quiet during lunch but she did eat well for me. And she loved the cupcake! It was white chocolate cookie, complete with a cookie hidden on the bottom of the cupcake. Jane was a bit uneasy about getting up, so Emely (one of her cargivers) helped me.

Jane & I headed outside to walk after lunch. It is cooler here today in Phoenix & Jane was very determined to take several laps outside. She had no desire to head to the clubhouse today. Unfortunately, the incident this morning made Jane a little more wobbly today & as we were heading in, she mis-stepped & fell on the grass. She was holding my hand & didn’t fall hard, but I still freaked out a bit. She was able to get up with my help & she told me she was fine, but I reported the fall immediately & had one of the med techs come take a look.

They all seemed aware of Jane’s incident this morning, which made me feel confident they are looking after her. While walking, we saw one of the nurses & she stopped to ask me how Jane was doing. She said, “you know there was an incident this morning, right?” I said yes, thank you. And when Marianne (the med tech) arrived, she immediately said “you know your mom had an incident this morning, right?” I explained to Marianne what happened when Jane fell & she said she wanted to exam Jane to make sure she had no cuts or bruises that needed tending. So we went in Jane’s room for privacy. She also commented Jane felt warm & I said, “yes, she has felt that way the entire time I have been here – her hands are sweaty – clammy.” She told me they had all been discussing Jane’s incident this morning. I said yes, my dad said she had a seizure again. She said, “well, we aren’t thinking it’s a seizure – we are thinking it’s a little stroke.” She said they were still reviewing all the evidence. I know they had told my dad this morning because the doc wanted to give Jane a little time to recover & then tomorrow she will do an exam. So I suppose we will have some more info tomorrow.

Jane & I sat in the chairs under the tree for a little while today & I talked to her. She didn’t have much to say to me, but I could tell she understood everything I said to her. I asked her if the seizure had scared her this morning & she nodded yes. I then asked, “did it hurt?” to which she gave me a big nod yes. But when I asked her where or how it hurt, she didn’t have a response. I did share this info with the med tech & she said they were all keeping a close eye on her. I find it frustrating at times likes this so I have learned to simply shift my focus & do whatever I can to help Jane feel comfortable.

Jane was tired after our walk & her exam from the med tech so I tucked her into bed for a nap. I feel so helpless at times. I wish I had a magic wand I could wave over her & take away all her pain. But unfortunately I have not yet been given that ability. Spending time with her, holding her hand & talking to her about my life – that is the magic wand & it does seem to provide some relief. I am appreciative of the time I have with Jane & the flexibility of my work schedule to have our weekly lunches.