August 16, 2017

Wednesday lunch with Jane.

It’s interesting – thanks to FB memories I know it’s been a full year since I began sharing my weekly visits with Jane & her journey with dementia. I had no idea back then how much would change in a year.

I am happy to share today was a good one for Jane. Actually – it was a really good day. She was feisty & as we told my dad when we texted him – Jane was winning the battle today. Jane was in her room when I arrived getting changed (with the help of Emely – one of her caregivers). She was quiet when I first arrived, but once Emely was done with her, Jane looked to me & smiled. She took my hand & we walked to the kitchen table. I got out Jane’s cupcake for her & we opened it from the box while we patiently waited for Emely to bring her lunch. Jane didn’t go after the cupcake but man was she in a hurry when Emely set the plate down! I actually had to move it out of Jane’s reach because she kept grabbing her carrots! I suppose I could have simply allowed her to eat with her hands – it’s not going to hurt anyone. It was out of habit that I told her she needed to eat off the fork.

Jane ate her lunch quickly & then turned to the cupcake. It was chocolate sundae today & she ate the cherry first! She was very engaged with me today so we talked about the cupcakes. She told me her favorite is to try new flavors, so maybe I should look for a new cupcake store, or I should grab her a cupcake on Tuesday night instead of Wednesday morning on my way to visit.

It was really nice here today in Phoenix. Mid 90’s at lunch time & we had a nice breeze. Add to Jane feeling really good today & that meant we did lots of walking. It’s been so hot we haven’t walked much & Jane does tire quickly so we would take breaks & sit under the shade of the trees. This is when Jane & I would chat. Not only did Jane really want to hear everything I had to say, she also really wanted to talk to me. Sometimes her words would come out clearly, other times it was jibber jash. Most of the time it was jibber, but a word or two would come out clearly, helping me understand what Jane wanted to tell me.

Since Jane was so engaged today, I shared some big goals I have for my business. She listened intently. When I asked her if she thought I would reach my goals, she looked deep into my eyes, said Oh Yes, smiled a big smile & patted me on the hand. She believes in me. That was a very special moment we shared. And now I am even more determined to reach my goals I shared because I don’t want to disappoint her.

I honestly feel like I was given a year back today with Jane. If not a year, at least 6 months. She was engaged, interactive & happy. I have not seen her like this in quite some time. When my dad texted us back telling her she looked beautiful today, Jane grinned from ear to ear & giggled. It was a beautiful moment I wish my dad could have witnessed. She loves him – this stupid disease will never ever take that from her. She may not always be able to express it, but I know she always feels it.

This disease has taught me to never take anything for granted. I don’t know how long Jane will be able to win & be this present. I cherish the good days. It makes me happy to see Jane happy & aware. But selfishly, I really enjoy these visits where my feisty stepmom comes out. I love when she engages with me & talks with me. It’s these happy visits that get me through the bad days. The ones that break my heart into a million pieces because I hate to think she is suffering & hate to think the time is coming closer to the day I will lose her. Now I know – none of us are guaranteed tomorrow & we should always cherish every moment with our loved ones, whether sick or healthy. But there is just something about a terminal illness that really puts that into perspective. But I don’t want to think about that now. For now – I want to focus on the beautiful visit we shared today.