August 15, 2018

Lunch with Jane:

Jane was sitting in a chair in the great room when I arrived today. She rarely stands on her own anymore & will stay where she is until someone comes for her. I’m not sure if that is because she is unable to stand on her own or the disease has simply taken her ability to initiate away – or possibly a combo of the two. At least she is still able to walk – even if it is slowly. The disease is working to take that ability away from her too. I walked to Jane & squatted down in front of her so we were eye level. I reached for her hands to get her attention. She looked into my eyes & gave me a big smile. Always melts my heart when she smiles at me. We chatted for a bit until lunch was served & then I helped Jane up & over to the kitchen table.

I had sent a family pic to my dad of all of us at the Grand Canyon so he could share with Jane. He said she grabbed onto the phone & held it close. While I fed her lunch, I reminded her 3 of her kids had been at the rim over the weekend. I told her I’d share photos & details after lunch. When she finished lunch & it was time for dessert I said, “I have a special treat for you – a Jacob Lake Cookie!” Her eyes lit up. For those of you not familiar with the North Rim, Jacob Lake is the last stop before entering the Grand Canyon & they are known for their amazing cookies. It’s really a sin not to stop & buy a few. We had stopped there on our way home yesterday & I chose a cookie special for Jane – chocolate raspberry. She seemed to really enjoy it because she gobbled it down. I asked her if that was a good special treat & she said yes. Later we would discuss the cookie & I said you gobbled it down like the Cookie Monster! And she giggled. I love when I can make her laugh.

It was cooler here today in Phoenix with a nice cloud cover & breeze so I felt it was safe for us to visit under the trees. It’s not too far of a walk to the courtyard with the trees so I felt Jane could safely walk the distance. We went slow & she was happiest when I put one hand behind her back & held onto her hand with my other hand. She even took advantage of my hug around her waist to turn into me & hug me. It was nice.

Jane walks ok when the surface is flat, but even a slight incline seems to cause a challenge for her. She slows down & needs encouragement to keep walking forward. We found the closest chairs, I dusted one off for her & helped her sit down. She usually needs to scoot back a few times to get fully situated. Part of the disease – it seems to have taken my stepmom’s depth perception away. Once Jane was settled, I grabbed a chair & pulled it next to her. We had barely sat down when Michelle (the hairdresser) came walking out of one of the other houses. She saw us sitting in the courtyard & came over to say hello. Jane likes Michelle & appreciates when she makes an effort to say hello.

When we were alone, I began to tell Jane about the weekend. I told her how nice it had been for all of the kids to be together & how she had been on our mind & we all swapped our favorite “mom” stories. I told her of the elaborate fixings my sister Bobbi had brought for s’mores & of my concoction from the ingredients. I said, “I think had you been with us, you would have waited til I had my s’mores built & then taken it from me & said thanks for making mine Jen!” She smiled a big smile & said yeah. I showed Jane the pics I had taken over the 3 days & shared stories of our adventures. I told my sister Bobbi later I wish I would have taken more pics of everybody over the weekend to share & she said yes – we should have done that. I think it makes her happy to see us all together & know we have each other for support. I think Bobbi is absolutely right which makes me feel bad for not having more pics. But we had no WiFi & such little service that none of us had our phones on us that much – especially at camp. But I made up for the lack of pictures with details of our weekend.

When it started to get warm, I told Jane we needed to head inside. She didn’t want to stand up. I told her I wouldn’t leave her right away – I just felt we needed to get back inside where it was cooler. She then stood for me. I’m telling you – my stepmom is so stubborn. Even with this disease she gets her way when it’s important to her. I held my word to her & stayed til she closed her eyes for a nap. I kissed her goodbye on the forehead like I always do & told her I loved her. She squeezed my hand before letting me go. I don’t know how much longer I have with my stepmom so I never take a visit with her for granted. I do my best to be 100% present with her & set all other distractions aside. I’ve been trying to be better about this with every interaction in life because truthfully, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I still fail at this often – but I’m getting better. When I feel I am not giving the person in front of me my full attention, I remind myself why it’s so important. We can’t get time back & I know I don’t want to live my life with regrets. I hate how I had to learn this lesson, but grateful I did while I still have so much of my life ahead of me.