April 24, 2019

Lunch with Jane:

I’ve been stopping by a cupcake store in my neighborhood to pick up a cupcake for Jane for the past 2+ years. Honestly – ever since they opened. Originally the girls who worked in the store were friendly & always remembered me. But then the original owners sold the store & things changed. Now I was greeted by a woman who every single week acted like I was a brand new customer. I never received bad customer service – just not the same level of warmth & caring. The last few times I’ve been in, one of the original gals has been working & she remembered me! Today she handed me the cupcake, said I hope this makes your mom smile & then said it’s my treat today. What a sweet & kind gesture! It lifted my spirits & I made sure to share this gesture with Jane.

Dementia sucks. It hurts. It’s challenging. It’s infuriating. And it can make you feel so alone. Today I left the cupcake store feeling loved & supported. And I think it made me a better daughter to Jane today during my visit.

Never under estimate the value of a good deed. Especially when you do something for a stranger. You never know how much of a difference that could make in that person’s day.

Traffic was bad today on the freeway & I was late getting to Jane. She never minds. She was waiting for me at the kitchen table. She had eaten lunch already so I grabbed a fork & sat down next to her. Jane smiled as I explained the story of her cupcake. She gobbled it down before we headed outside for our visit.

Jane was leaning to her right really bad today. She seemed unable to position herself upright. I took a picture of her alone because she normally doesn’t lean this bad. She was in & out today, but luckily she was able to be present with me more than she was distant. She held my hand while I talked & she listened. A few times she was able to respond to my questions & overall we had a nice visit. We discussed my race on Saturday & I laid out my plan to run my fastest race. Jane agreed with my strategy & told me she believed I would achieve my goal. Remember, my stepmom is direct & blunt. So if she didn’t believe I would achieve my goal or believe my strategy was a solid one, she would have said. So I’ll take her confidence with me into the race Saturday morning & hope to have a tail of victory to share next week.

We sat under the trees, listening to the birds talk for quite some time. Eventually, another resident came out with her son (I believe) who was visiting. Jane & I took that as our cue to head inside. I know how much we cherish our alone time – we wanted to give them the same benefit. Even though we sat in the shade & I didn’t feel hot sitting there, I noticed Jane was very warm when we got inside. Emely was sitting at a chair in the great room filling out paperwork, so I wheeled Jane close to her. When I mentioned Jane felt hot, the other care giver (not her usual so I don’t know his name) grabbed Jane a glass of water. She took it, but then just held the water in her mouth. I kissed Jane goodbye & left her in Emely’s care.

On the way out, I grabbed a peanut butter cookie. I haven’t had sugar in nearly 4 weeks. But those visits – even the good ones – wear me down. I am an emotional eater. And I tend to be starving when I leave Jane as my visits go right through lunch. It’s only 1 cookie – it’s ok. As long as I don’t allow my visits to ruin my entire day’s nutrition. I find I tend to be exhausted when I get home too. Even though I had a great night’s sleep last night & felt fabulous when I left the house, by the time I returned, I felt exhausted. I’m not sure how to combat that. I usually give myself a couple of hours to watch tv & chill. And then do my best to jump back into my life & work after.

Dementia is a cruel disease. I would never wish it upon anyone – not even my worst enemy. It’s pointless & final. It not only attacks its victim, but her family. It leaves you feeling exhausted & helpless. I hate it. We need to put an end to this horrific disease. We need a cure!